She's Ba-a-ack!!

Guess who's back...back in town...Betty's back....back around!!
Well, its been over a month I think since I last put pen to paper...or in this case fingers to keyboard. Sorry to have disappeared like that, but I needed to take a step back for a bit and regroup...I was feeling guilty. A little over a month ago I found out that Dick was not well. I felt bad for him. I just couldn't bring myself to continue bad-mouthing him knowing that there was a very good chance that he could have a serious illness. I know...what a saint I am...but the truth is, I was quite upset, and worried for him. Yes he's an ass. Yes, he treated me like crap. And yes, he's a lying, cheating, drunk, son-of-a-bitch. But even so, I loved him once and was married to him for 25 years. I would never wish something like cancer on him. I never wanted to see him suffer in that way. Its not good karma to wish that on anyone. So I tried to be extra nice to him. Let him know that I still cared. He made some crack about if he were to croak before the divorce was final, I'd really make out because then I would get everything. I was slightly horrified that he would think I would actually want that, and I told him so. I said that I would rather have him alive, than have "everything". We were on the phone when I said it and I thought the call had been dropped because there was dead silence on his end. Finally he said..."Really?" He sounded as if he were stunned. "Oh my God...of course 'really'" I said "Are you serious?...I would never wish that on you." Then he said "Even after everything that's happened?" "Yes, of course. Even after everything." I answered. I don't know why I was surprised that he would think I was that kind of person, but I was. So, it just reaffirmed for me how little he knew me. Well guess what? Dick's not dying, so all bets are off. Its open season again for Dick bashing. I can run him up one side and down the other, tear him a new one and bad mouth to my hearts content...and all without an ounce of guilt. In the past, I have been accused of being too nice to him. I have always maintained that I was not being "nice", I was just not being "mean". During the period of time when he was having tests to find out what was wrong with him I did make a conscious effort to be nice to him. Big waste of time. It didn't make a dam bit of difference. He was still an a$$h@!# to me. I don't know why I ever thought him facing his own mortality would somehow change him. He is what he is and will be until the day he breathes his last and settles in for the eternal dirt nap. Dick is Dick. What more is there to say?