That year, 2008, the month of September was certainly one to remember. It started out with my seeing Dick with his girlfriend and ended with me considering divorce as a reality. Its not that I hadn’t thought of it up until then, its just that I needed to be sure that there was absolutely no alternative. Dick’s blasé attitude about his “friend” Charlot and his not accepting responsibility for anything that was wrong with us was making me realize that divorce may be my only choice in the end. He had this way of making everything seem like it was my fault. In the past I had always fallen right into that trap. He was very good at making me feel…hmm…what’s the word I’m looking for….small. When I say small, I mean as insignificant, not worthy, so mostly I would just let things go and not complain or try to change the situation. There were times when I felt that even though my marriage was far from perfect, actually not even near being good, I should be thankful because of all the things I had. The key word here is “things”…house, car, boat, etc., all these “things” I got from Dick, but not much else. Aside from Dick, I had a good life. I loved my job, I had a wonderful family, and the best group of friends that anyone could ever ask for. I had almost everything I ever wanted, except children, but I had managed to convince myself long ago that I was okay with that…another story for another day. As long as I focused on the good I was able to over look so much of the bad, but now things were different. I had come to realize that everything about my life was good, except my marriage. I had trouble separating the two before, thinking that it would all change if I left Dick. But, I now knew the reality was all the good, the things that really mattered in my life had nothing to do with Dick. The only thing that would really change would be my address and cash flow of course, but he was expendable. I could remove him and everything he brought to the table and life would still be good, different, but good. When I figured that out, I was able to pick up the phone and make an appointment for a consultation with a divorce lawyer. I needed information. I needed to know what the process was to extricate Dick from my life. They say knowledge is power and I wanted power. I was tired of being his doormat. The moment I made that phone call the balance of power shifted in our marriage. I felt like I was in the driver seat for the first time in 24 years. Although I did not hire this particular lawyer, the information she provided me with was invaluable. After our meeting I went to work doing and gathering everything I would need to file for divorce. At the time I still didn’t know if I would go that route, but this way I could be ready if and when the time was right. I wanted to have all my ducks in a row so I wouldn’t have time to think about it and change my mind. As luck would have it, a few days later I was even closer to wanting a divorce than ever. I caught Dick with Charlot, again. It hadn’t even been 2 weeks since the first time. So much for his pleading with me to tell him what he could do to make things right. I thought I had mentioned not seeing her anymore would be a good thing…a really good thing. Yes, in fact I’m sure it was top on my list of “Things Dick should do to make things right”. Apparently I didn’t make my self clear enough. With all the lying that he had done and his attitude about the whole thing you would think I wouldn’t be so surprised to find them together again, but I was. I was stunned. It was worse than finding the hotel receipt. It was a definite slap in the face. That night he said he was going to Harry’s to help him move cabinets. Don’t know why, but I had a gut feeling he was lying. After more than enough time had passed for the “moving of cabinets”, I called him. I asked him where he was and said he was at Harry’s apartment. They had just finished up and were having a beer…(oh joy)…and he would be home in about an hour. “Okay,” I said, “see you then.” I hung up and screamed “You lying son of a bitch!!” I was sitting in my car, parked across from Harry’s house when I called. Dick was not there. Harry wasn’t even there. The place was in complete darkness, no vehicles in the driveway. I drove back home but on the way I took a detour by one of Harry’s other properties. There in the drive way was Dick’s truck. Again, no Dick, no Harry, no lights, just darkness. I thought of waiting until he came back to get the truck, but I realized that could possibly be a very long wait, so I decided to continue on home. I drove down the street and as I rounded the corner, there they were in her car on the side of the road. She was leaning over toward him…OH MY GOD…THEY’RE MAKING OUT!!…I heard myself say. I pulled up beside them and just stared until Charlot finally turned to look. She rolled her eyes, shook her head, then turned to him. Two seconds later Dick leaned forward and looked. I left. When he got home we had it out, again. The long and short of it was he spewed a bunch of lies. He had been drinking, of course, so a lot of it didn’t even make much sense. I told him I didn’t believe any of it…why should I? Then he went on a rant about money and things that had nothing to do with what I had just witnessed. He was acting like he was angry with me. I don’t know why, but I validated all his points about money, bills, etc.. I guess I wanted to make him feel like he mattered. Again...I don't know why, but I even went so far as to tell him that I took full responsibility for my part in getting our marriage to the critical point. It took both of us to get there, but what he did, what he was doing,…having an affair far out weighed anything I may or may not have done. It just didn’t balance out. He had crossed the line. There was no excuse for it. He again insisted that he and Charlot were just friends. I told him it didn’t matter. He lost the right to be friends with her when he slept with her. Then I hit him with the big guns…”Oh, by the way…I’ve been to see a lawyer…I don’t know what I want to do about all this, but I’m keeping my options open.” That shut him up. There was a time when I might have thought it was because there was a part of him that didn’t want to lose me. But now knowing what “no fault divorce” means I knew what he didn’t want to lose was money. Everything we had would be split and I would walk away with half of what he considered to be his money. Because of the length of our marriage he would also have to pay me alimony for the rest of my life. It was amazing how little he had to say after I dropped that bomb and even more amazing how good it made me feel to drop it. I felt empowered so I continued onto the thing he valued most, after money that is…beer. “You need to stop drinking…and that is non-negotiable.” He had nothing to say to that either. That was the cherry on the cake of my day.
