The Yo-Yo Affect

The other morning on my way to work, I stopped for coffee and ran into someone from my old life. That would be the life I had with Dick for almost 25 years. We exchanged greetings, had a little hug and asked each other "what's new?" I responded with a generic "oh, not much, same old, same old. Anything new with you?" I expected the same sort of answer in return, but instead he just wound up and punched me in the stomach. Okay, I'm exaggerating. He didn't actually punch me. He never laid a hand on me. I just said that for effect, because that is exactly what his answer felt like. It knocked the wind out of me. I will never understand why this man (let's call him Jack, as in Jack-Ass) says the things he says. If there is a wrong thing to say in a situation, he says it. If there is an inappropriate joke that should be avoided at all costs, you can be sure it will find it's way out of his mouth. I am actually surprised at how his answer affected me. Two days earlier I was in such a good mood, I felt like I could walk on a cloud. Nothing could bother me. I thought, man, I've really turned a corner here! Apparently, I thought wrong. When "Jack" answered with, "I met Dick's new girlfriend last night," my cloud disappeared and I crash landed, and like a yo-yo, I was snapped right back to the days of pain. Charlot...that bitch. Wait...did he just say "new" girlfriend? Was he referring to someone other than the little home wrecker? Had Dick already broken Charlot's heart and moved on to someone else? Better still, was he now cheating on her and could I have the absolute pleasure of being the one to inform her? Either of these scenarios would have made Jack's answer forgivable, because the pleasure they would have given me would far out weigh his stupidity. With thoughts of Charlot enduring heart-break and pain sustaining me, I was able to continue the conversation. I needed more information. I needed to know who Dick was with, so I said, "Oh...so you met Charlot?" My hope was that Jack would correct me with another name, but he didn't. He confirmed that the woman's name was indeed Charlot. At that point I made some excuse about having to be on my way...late for work...got to go, and I left.

As I drove to work and for the rest of the day all I could think about was her insinuating herself into what should have been my life. Dam it, I thought, what's next, him introducing her to his family over the holidays as his "new" girlfriend? New my ass! Its four months shy of them being together for three years, and almost half of that time Dick and I were still married! I could imagine the two of them hosting family get-togethers and having friends over for drinks or a party in what was once my house. New girlfriend...I-don't-think-so! Dick never told his family the whole story of "what happened to us." If he had, Charlot could never be completely in his life. Even if most of his family could over look the circumstances of their relationship, I don't think his mother would ever fully accept Charlot because if it. They would forever be uncomfortable around his family. Gee...that would be too bad...wouldn't it?

FaceBook is a wonderful thing. If you want to share information with many people at one time all you have to do is post it on your wall. I am FaceBook friends with many people, some of them are actually related to Dick. If I were to post something about him on my wall there is a good chance it will get back to him. If it gets back to him I am sure he will get in touch with me and then I will know that his family knows what I posted...so I did. Yes, it was a blood-letting of sorts, and probably not one of my finer moments as I had to sink to a level I'm not accustomed to. But, what's done is done and I can't take it back now. What I wrote was so long that it had to be split into three posts.

Post #1---My cheatin-drunk-ex-husband has been haunting my dreams since I left the lying-son-of-a-bitch! Now his "we're just friends"-"nothing's going on"-whore-girlfriend has started showing up in them! WTF?!?!

Post #2---And another thing....most of you probably know this already, but its time the world new...Dick cheated on me. He had was having an affair for 6 months before I found out about it....I discovered a hotel receipt with her name on it and his credit card number.

Post #3---Almost forgot...her name is Charlot Babylon and they are still together. So, if you ever meet her with him don't let him try and make you think she is a new girlfriend since the divorce. She is what happened to my marriage....OKay...thats all!

I have yet to hear from Dick about this so I'm not sure if his family is now fully informed about the happy couple or not...but here's hoping they do. You can't blame a girl for tryin'!

A Poem

Read this blog and you will see
I'm not who I propose to be
Betty's just a name I use
So I can write whatever I choose
And as for him, the man I wed
I call him Dick...what more be said
He met a cheap and trashy tart
Slept with her and broke my heart
Lying was his strongest suit
And so he finally got the boot
I did it all with grace and class
The day I dumped his happy ass
So now he has his little whore
But I have freedom and much more
I hit him where it hurts the most
Forgive me if I tend to boast
I find the outcome kind of funny
'Cause all he ever loved was money
He worked and scrimped and saved a lot
But kept it hidden...or so he thought
His secret stash was locked away
For him to use some rainy day
He tried to keep it all from me
But not too well…I found the key
So in the end, one has to laugh
‘Cause he got her, but I got half

It Ain't Over 'til Its Over and Sweaty Betty Sings!

I know that last post sounded like the the end and it was so long ago you might have thought it was, but there is so much more to tell.

When last we saw Betty and Dick, it was Charlot's birthday. I don't remember if I mentioned the date and if I did whether or not I gave her real birthday. Throughout this story I have changed so many names and dates to protect the in-"no"-cent that sometimes I forget what I said. But now...I really don't give a crap. If Dick or Charlot happen to stumble upon this saga of their illicit affair and actually realize it's about them, so be it. Maybe Charlot will realize what a prize she's got and dump his happy ass. By the way, in case I hadn't mentioned it before, they are still together...fornicating in what used to be my bed, in what used to be my house. I'm sure the same mattress we bought before we were married is still on that bed. Dick is too cheap to buy a new one, especially after what the divorce cost him. And Charlot, even if she knows how old the mattress is, I'm sure it doesn't bother her one bit. After all, it didn't bother her to sleep with Dick when he was my husband, so why would it bother her to be "sleep" on what was my mattress. After 26 years, just imagine how many millions of dust mites are dancing around in there having a grand old time right along with them!!!

Anyway...for the sake of refreshing your memory as to where in the timeline we left off I will tell you that it was October 23, 2008, Charlot's 46Th birthday...three months, 2 weeks and four days since I had discovered the now infamous hotel receipt in Dick's underwear drawer. It was encounter number three for me and the happy couple. Since then I have not spoken with Charlot or seen her up close and personal. This is not to say that I didn't see her and Dick together again, because I did. I just couldn't be bothered wasting any more time or emotional energy confronting them again. What would be the point? It was obvious that she was more important to him than our marriage was. He had made his choice....her, not me. He did not love me anymore. He said he did, but I knew he didn't mean it. It was the only thing he could say when asked. I believe his line of reasoning went something like this: If he said he didn't love me that would be like admitting he didn't want to be married to me anymore. If he didn't want to be married, the only solution was to get divorced. Divorce meant spending a lot of money on legal fees, which for Dick would hurt like hell. Worse than that, I would get half of "his" assets and he would end up having to actually pay me every month to not be his wife...for the rest of his life. This is what made it so easy for him to answer "yes" when asked "Do you still love Betty?" I don't think he even considered it a lie, because it's all connected...kind of like 'the hip bone's connected to the leg bone' sort of thing. In this case, its the love bone's connected to the money bone...the money bone's connected to the marriage bone...the marriage bone's connected to the Betty bone, and without Betty it all falls apart. Dick loved "his" money. The only way to keep it all to himself was to stay married to me. If he said he didn't love me, then he would lose what he really loved. Its like an equation...Betty = marriage + 50% of marital assets. If you cancel out one side of the equation you must do the same to the other side. If there is one thing Dick has always been good at its math. Dick did the math, and what he found was justification for his answer to the question of whether or not he still loved me.

Okay, enough of that tangent, back to what happened after Charlot's birthday. I had been seeing our couple's councilor, Mollie, on my own since I had first confronted Dick about his affair in September. I needed help sorting things out. I was trying to...I don't know...I guess I was trying to be sure that there wasn't something left that was worth holding onto. When November, 2008 rolled around Dick and I had our first joint session with Mollie since the previous June. It was also the last time we saw her as a couple, and it was... well... so... ummm... so... very... un-freakin-imaginable. There really isn't just one word to describe it.

It was obvious from his continuous lying and sneaking around that he had no intention of giving Charlot up. He even had the balls to lie to me during that session. I had asked him a question, he answered it (lied) and then I told him that I knew he was lying and that I had proof. Only then did he admit that he hadn't been truthful. Mollie was beside herself when I called him on it. It was reminiscent of a scene from The Exorcist. She did a double take, her head almost spun completely around as she stumbled over the words “Oh...my God!!! You just lied to her!! In front of me!!! Why would you do that?” Guess what he said? Come on, take a stab at it. Give up? He said….wait for it…. “I don’t know.” …and nothing more. I think that was when he really disconnected from me. He was being forced to look at himself from someone elses unbiased, and professional point of view and it wasn't pretty. There were other times that evening when a mirror was held up to him and his behavior and that made Dick squirm. He would later refer to that session as "the time you two ganged up on me and beat me down." After that session with Mollie, things didn't get any better, they weren't really any worse but it took a while before Dick recovered from the "abuse" he was subjected to. Our marriage was on life support, but all he think about was how "mean" we were to him that night...waaa...waaa. When Dick doesn't want to deal with something he ignores it. He goes into himself and shuts down. There is no getting through when he does this. Its just another example of how self-centered he is. Everything is always about him.

I knew from the moment I found the hotel receipt that I had 2 choices: 1. Leave him. Walk away and not look back, or, 2. Stay with him and together work at making our marriage better. The keyword here is "together". Together was something that we were not, and hadn't been for a long while. I could have saved myself from another three months of hell if I had just left him then, but I was not yet ready to let go of everything else I stood to lose if I did. The other issue was the timing. It was mid-November, the Holidays were upon us and it was our year to host Christmas Eve for his family. I just couldn't ruin Christmas for his mother. If I was going to do anything it would to have to wait until after New Years Day.